Story

Fifth Grade. Libby Abrams and I are BFFS. We each have a crush in Mrs. Simpson’s class. Reed and Braden. Both athletic, tan, and handsome. Reed is smart, but not funny. Braden is funny, but not smart. No matter, though. You can’t …

So This Happened This dude had it coming. This was the second time this year he’s contacted “Tori”.

It’s 2019. William is 5. We are outside watering the trees when William exclaims, “Let’s go on a cactus hunt!” Thinking this will take us as far as the backyard neighbor’s cactus, I agree. Five minutes later, we realize that conditions are …

1999. I’m nine years old. I own the ugliest bike helmet I’ve ever laid eyes on. It is SO SO bad. I think someone sawed a bowling ball in half, added a buckle, and called it a helmet. Picture this: A scrawny …

Naturally, with a title like that^, this turns out to be the most embarrassing story of my life to date. Let’s proceed. —————————— May 21st, 2008. It’s my 2,339th day of school together with these kids. The same kids who do not classify …

I’ve been competing in the Diamond league for weeks now hoping to earn the ”Legendary” achievement by the time we leave for Mexico next month. — No easy task, I’m finding out. Each Sunday night, my current league of randomized competitors has …

I was 31 years old when I found out that when people say “We’re splitting a cow with some friends”, it absolutely does not mean that they’re going to take turns feeding and milking a cow. The first time I heard this …

The emphasis on on the anti-drug campaigns in my childhood gave a skewed impression of how my grade school years would play out. The commercials, school assemblies, and police guest speakers made it seem like there’d come a time when I’d be …